thoughts, wishes, and prayers..

im feeling lost and direction.less....

i've got no one close to seek advises from...

im not always smart and experienced.. i constantly need and require guidances..

but often.. there's no one..

i thought i could trust him and seek his advise...
i thought by telling him, im respecting him..
i thought he will respect me by keeping it from his wife...

but.. eventually, i wasnt exactly close to being right on these thoughts...


i wished i could seek his advises..
i wished he is proud of my existence..
i wished he is truthful to me...

but eventually, wishes are meant to be longed for...


so now i pray...

i pray for wisdom (to differentiate black and white)...
i pray for unconditional love (for others)...
i pray for patience (in awaiting God approved prayers)..

and i pray - Jesus please take the wheel.......

sick

im starting to hate the entire idea of community or social work.. or rather the word - voluntary..

two years had passed, what have i learnt?

firstly, the group wasnt as active as i supposed or expected it to be.. it never was and i supposed, it neve was, but i hope someday it will be..

im tired of consistenly asking my friends to join the events yec had organized just to fill up the vacancies.. friends are also tired of filling up the "gaps"..

im tired of doing all sort of publicity and yet, i have to follow them up myself..

im tired of suggesting any suggestions during meeting as what ever i suggested will definietly had to be done and carried by yours truly..

im sick of having anything to do with yec.. if not for the bf, i would have left yec long ago..
but again, bcoz of this, we had to consistently quarrel over stupid yec issues..

how irritating..

belated 60th months ann!

happy 60th months anniversary to the bf and gf!! =D

i supposed it's the love, quarrels, fights, screams, hugs, time, kisses, understandings, maturity, education and most importantly God's love and allowances.. that brings us tgt and forward.. haha.. 60 months = half a decade = around 1/4 of my life, pretty long preiod of time to be treasured..

despite overloading work and extra(s) committments, the bf still found time to surprise the gf with a giantic rose! the gf tot she would never receive the second boquet of flowers since the first boquet in last 2004.. haha! but she was and still am really touched with the bf's efforts! eh.. i have got a customized gift coming on the way though.. hehee..

latest photo! (aug 09)

antique photo! (dec 04)

bird-day!!

and i sings.....

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY

PANG HEI HEI!!! =D "

may you stay as skinny as 35kg and as tall as long bean!!

enjoy.able life..

life had been pretty enjoyable recently..

looking back at the days i enjoyed myself with the bf in cambodia luxury hotel..

looking back at the days i enjoyed myself with edwin, jeremy and jean in my favourite island -batam..

but..

enjoyable life = un.pleasant bank account balance

but nevertheless, holidays are meant to be heavily invested for the re.building of physical and mental stress/ damages.. and accompaniment from the bf and friends are priceless, something that money cannot be exchanged with.. =D

but again, time to play, time to work, time to study.. haha! shall prepare myself again for new challenges..

this time in batam, the bf did not come along due to his committment to nation's welfare - reservice... felt kinda weird coz he had always been around during any holiday trips.. therefore, he was emotionally missed by yours truly.. it's just sad that whenever we were smsing each other and i smsed him that he was missed and that i wished he was around, he never replied.. not even an ok or a blank sms from him.. positively, mayb he just din know what to reply? haha!