lousy.

im totally in a lousy mood.. this will be a damn long post.

firstly. im scared and worried.. cosh at the age of 20, im supposed to go over to indonesia-batam to help out my dad and eventually succeed his 13 years of blood and sweat.. i feel very lonely at times when im in batam.. living in a foreign country, knowing that for the next 10years or so, i will be stationed there.. and i had to learn their language, their culture and etc. dad wants me to stand by myself. so there wasnt much spoon feeding. i had to search for sample formats or do them myselfs and seek for agreement.

i had to be pretty thick skin and approached the staff one by one and start learning the ropes. it was really hard, given my "face" and my "pride". but eventually, i managed to miger with them. thanks God.

other gals at the age of 20 will chiong till mad, have fun till late. but i cant. i got serious business to do. i cant afford to waste my time awae.. my dad kept telling me im different from other normal gals. cosh i got serious stuffs to handle. i can play. but work comes first. others learn majong, learn clubbing, i need to learn drinking and handling of customers. hahhahas! for this, i tot it was fun. wahahas.

secondly, i onli comes back to sg on fri nite and all the way, i will accompany my bf. i left my sister alone for the whole week and yet i spent zero time with her. im really a lousy sister. but when i leave the weekend to spend time with my sis, my bf complains that i never spend time with him or i purposely dun want to go to his place and etc. on the other hand, my sis just kept quiet.. she never complains. hais. im troubled.

thirdly, i had to teach this group of cute tkd kids, tkd aerobics. and trust me, they are absolutely cute and energetic when comes to tkd.. but while teaching them, i neglected their grading patterns and i neglected myself. i stopped training for months.. but i was supposed to go for grading.. as much as im not prepared to go, i had to go. i need to train up on my stamina within like one week? hahas! thats ambicious.

forthly, i really want to visit my grandma and cousins.. but i really cant find the extra time to visit them.. i was really physically and mentally tired these few days.. mayb bcosh my mens is coming? hahas! whenever i find the time, i will fall sleep.. lol.. really tired leh..

fifthly, i've neglected all my friends. i cant catch up on them.. i felt bad for missing out bird's house warming and coming bdae celebration. but this coming weekend, it's my grading and the kids aerobics performances.. i thank u all, for being so nice and considerate to me leh.. really. thanks for "allowing" me to skip the gathering.. but really sorry. i really am..

and todae. i was feeling even worst and i initiate a quarrel and break up with my bf. in my mind, he keeps hinting me that he wasnt interested in our relationship anymore. his frequent temper, volume, irrtations. further more, he kept commenting that im a childish small kid. i told him that mayb he should find a more mature gf den. he saes that im kicking a big fuss. i guess i was? hahas. like i told him, i'm tired of handling his temper and mood swings. but he saes it's my mood swings. i guess so? watever.

wat i need to do now. is. learn as much as i can.. and help out my dad as much as i can.. i have to work for my future.. i cant waste my time away.. i PRAY for WISDOM. =)